My Spirit withered in this attempt to understand what there is to understand, since while attempting that, I lost inspiration to make art. Two months ago I dropped my efforts and came back to painting – it felt like coming back home to myself. My Spirit emerged again. I don’t care if it’s not the greatest works of art that I have produced since, it’s the fact of being aligned with my Spirit again what truly matters. Spirit emerged with the breath of Inspiration. Have you pondered upon how these two are connected? I mean the three – Spirit, Breath and Inspiration? That’s a topic for another post.
The question of where shall I be headed with my art – what’s the alternative outlet to piling up and molding away – remains daunting. This experience has been rather a lesson in realizing that „what’s next?“ should never come at the expense of „what’s now?“. And this is something that speaks to the Life itself, whether it’s about art, relationships or state of being in general – „what’s next“ stems out of „what’s now“. And even it’s possible to roll on in the wind of „what was“ for a while – chasing „what’s next“ – it will not last long unless „what’s now“ gets nurtured.
Breath by breath the „nows“ take me deeper into the unfolding of „What Is“. It is really not about getting anywhere or becoming anything, but about uncovering the mystery of Life that always dwells within „What Is“. Sometimes "What Is" holds an invitation to surf the web, sometimes to do nothing - nothing at all, and then something stems out of it, or doesn't - it doesn't have to - whatever Is, is absolutely perfect - even the resistance to What Is, as I heard someone say so spot on recently.
As I touch upon the heart of „What Is“, without resistance, I am in total alignment, there is nowhere else I desire to be, because there really is nowhere else nor nothing else. In such moments I can see how all other moments of Time are present just the same in the Now. These are the holy moments.
I am not saying with this that the months of internetting were a waste of time, but I am definitely seeing how the time could have been used much better, if I only surrendered more to „What Is“ and had fun with painting in between of the hard work of internetting (researching „what’s next“). It may not sound like a hard work to you, but it was for me. My drive to dive into painting was also my attempt to escape the reality of life that I experienced as rationalist, pragmatic, strategic. I saw art as something at the opposite end of this spectrum and that’s where I desired to be. Researching internet for the strategies of living as an artist felt very rationalistic and pragmatic. Finding myself doing that in order to justify my choices in life was deconstructing, debilitating and dispiriting.
Why, to whom and do I really need to justify my choices in Life is yet another topic.
At the same time some good stuff stemmed out of it all as well – after I had already given up on what seemed to be the fruitless research – one morning I woke up to a beautiful surprise – my painting appeared on my FB newsfeed and it was not posted by me! First time in my life I had participated in a call for artists, forgotten about it, and my art ended up on a cover of ArtAscent magazine! I actually had to check before sharing it with you, if on the Artascent page the magazine also appears to have my painting on its cover, since I had hard time believing my eyes.
What a relief it is to realize that painting itself comes first and once it’s already there, there are spaces for the art to be posted, be seen and acknowledged. And yes - it can be quite a bit of a hustle to find them, so sometimes there also has to be that. And what a pleasure it is to recognize that being on the right path is marked by feeling inspirited. And yet I need to remember that being dispirited does not necessarily mean I'm on the wrong path, it just means I'm going through the hard patch.
Thank you for reading,
Keep exploring, enjoying and expanding!
View or download or buy June 2017 issue of ArtAscent magazine here.
Ps This also served as a wakeup call for me to shake off the overwhelm that has kept me from writing since March and that has resulted in writing two posts at the same time. The other one will follow shortly.
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